Animation by Louis Pieper
Characters by Jerome Green

I am sure that many golfers and non-golfers have felt like this from time to time.

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first.

After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!”

“Well, what should I do?” asks the man.

“Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.”

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.

The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson.

The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.”

“What can I do?” asks the wife.

“Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s penis.”

The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway….. about 15 ft.

“That was great,” the pro says with a straight face. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you’re supposed to!”

From www.poddys.com

This is apparently from David Letterman. This is a top 10 list of funny golf caddie comments. Some of these sound like old old old jokes, but they are all pretty funny. Picture yourself having the worst golf game of your life, and this caddy “helping” you out with these comments…. How many golf clubs would you break?

David Letterman’s Top Ten Caddy Comments: Ten funny comments by Golf Caddies.
#10 -
Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
#9 -
Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
#8 -
Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”
7 -

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”
6 -
Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”
5 -
Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”
4 -
Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”
3 -
Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?”
Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”
2 -
Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

And the #1 Caddy Comment is:
Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

Page topic: David Letterman Top 10 list: top 10 funny caddy comments by golf caddies.